Off To School They Go

Getting the child ready

By the time you read this you will have already decided where your child will be educated in 2017. At least that will be so for those of us living in the Antipodes where the school year starts in Febuary. So I will not talk about making the decision but will focus on getting your child ready. Also it is important to get the school ready if we want to establish the perfect match, which will benefit our child.

Setting Expectations

We may know what school is like and our other children will have picked up some idea of what to expect from siblings, peers and TV, but the child with ASD (even with good language skills) may have a completely unrealistic view, or no view at all as the topic may not have interested them. Yet the children do not like the new places, they feel uncomfortable if they do not know what to expect. For a good start we need them to feel comfortable.

Start with making the venue familiar; let them see the school, stand outside and look at the children at play. Then go into the grounds when they are quiet (try a week end) and walk about, showing the child the different outdoor areas, play in the sand pit, climb on the outdoor equipment. Many schools will have had orientation sessions at the end of term 4, but three months can be a long wait for some of our children and much will be forgotten. So go over the grounds in the holidays, make sure the outdoors is familiar and the child knows where the toilets and drinking taps are. Make a plan of the grounds (if your child has done the Visuo Spatial house plan drill he/she will understand. If not, ask your CM to do this). Take some photos, or even better, get the child to take them and a little scrap book: "My School". Take pictures of the child in the sandpit, on the swing or climbing frame and add to booklet.

You will need to familiarise with the indoors setting as well. Most schools will allow you to visit on the first day of term when teachers will be there but not the children. Again take your camera, explore and photograph the classroom, the area where they will be lining up, eating lunch, and don't forget the toilets (they are very important). Meet the teacher and add all to the growing "My School" volume. Talk to the teacher, select where the child will be sitting. Draw a mud map of the room and label all its areas. Look at this several times before the big day. If possible get some idea of the way the teacher organises her day, the little rules and rituals and the signals used (some clap, some call, some use a bell etc). It would be good if our child was told this ahead of the others, as a group instruction may well be not noted.

If possible, try and meet some children. You mat find someone in your street will be going to the same school, or perhaps one of the children from the old kindy and preschool. Even if you child just knows a few names this will help. Children ASD are not necessarily looking for friendship, but they do not feel comfortable with strangers. Talk about the school routine when the child is relaxed, make up little stories, scenarios of what may actually take place. Draw pictures, make it sounds fun, and above all do not let your anxiety about this major change show.

Teaching Survival Skills

There are so many skills needed. Let's break them up a bit.

Surviving in the classroom:

This requires ability to sit cross legged on the mat, and if you have never done this, it will be uncomfortable.
Also there will be children sitting close by and even behind our child, and this has to be explained, and better still, role played with other family members and dolls. Our child has to know not to push or grab.
Our child will have to be quiet and listen to the teacher or child in front of the group who will be saying something and showing something. Again a bit of role play helps.
The classroom ritual of putting your hand up to talk or ask is taken for granted, but will be quite unfamiliar to a child used to family communication. Practice with a small group.
Please let your child know what to do if a toilet trip is needed. If the child does not speak easily, then a COMPIC will have to do and it will need to be in easy reach in a pocket or on a key chain.
Standing in line is not an easy thing to do if you are not used to it. Our child may feel uncomfortable about the close proximity of another child, who is out of sight. Again teach with family members and dolls, teach not to touch, not to get upset if touched, not to push in.
Group instructions are for everyone, which includes your child. Teach to respond to group instructions without prefixing them with his/her name. We do not want our child to stand out in the eyes of peers, even if the teacher and the aide may be happy to individualise and prompt. If the instruction is not understood or heard teach your child to follow the group.
Keeping track of property is something even teenagers do not manage, but we need to start. Mark all items with name and make sure the child recognises this and knows where to look and check. Then explain the particular ritual of drawer or locker, which will apply in this particular class room and explain where the school bag will need to be left.
Clothing is another issue. We need to be happy wearing a hat outdoors, and we may need to practice early. Jumpers need to come off when the child feels hot, and go on when the child when the child feels cold, not waiting for a prompt. Teach for independence well before school. As for shoes and laces, practice well at home and send him/her off to school with click-clacks. Velcro can save the day yet again.

Surviving lunchtime:

Your child needs to learn to eat from a lunch box and drink from a bottle. Buy something that will catch his/her imagination and something that is easy to open. Practice lunch time at home, sitting of the floor, a bench, or a small chair; whichever will apply.
Glad-wrap is made to stick and some of our little fingers with dyspraxia are going to find this difficult. Use lunch paper if needed and again practice. Make sure your child has maximal independence here by making lunch accessible. Do not give commercially wrapped packets, which frustrate even adults. If you are putting such food in, repack in a zip-lock bag or wrap and use and elastic band. Teachers are not always on hand to help our child, and we do not want our child to feel helpless.
Explain the ritual of lunch. Each school has its rules and your child will need to fit in. There may be a bell which allows children to start play; there may be a time to take lunch boxes back to school bags.
Do not overload the lunchbox. This is not the time to make sure the child gets all his vitamins and calories. Put in things you know will be welcome, and remember the child is likely to be distracted while eating. Besides we do not want him/her to spend all of lunchtime eating as this will cut in on potential socialisation time. You can always catch up after school.

Surviving the playground:

Your child needs to know the school rules. In most schools there are specified areas for various ages groups and there are rules. Some places may be good for running in - others not. All of this should be established before school starts.
Explain the purpose of the bell and desensitise if that is needed.
Check on the games peers play and play these at home, again abiding by the game rules.
Teach your child to know how to ask for a turn on the swing or similar activities, and how to wait for that turn.
Give some little activity or make suggestions for where to play and with what. Our children are not too good at making decisions or changing activity. Make little play time schedules and put in his/her pocket. This will be better than standing in one spot and stimming. Some discussion with teacher or aide may help here.
Does your child know how to join in a game, how to ask someone to play? This needs to be in the program and practiced before the need arises.
Does your child have the assertion to say "no" if someone is telling him/her to do something silly? Too often our little ones run around kissing or pulling at pants because the big boys told them to. You should by now have a list of inappropriate behaviours in your rule book.
Does your child know how to defend him/herself verbally by saying "Stop. I don't like it." and knows that it is important to go to the teacher for help.

Preparing the School

The principal:

Set expectations early. What sort of cooperation and support will you ask for? I would suggest that you need regular IEPs, and you need to involve the Case Manager. Observations of your child in school are the best way for your CM to know what to program for social development. Where this does not happen the child is often placed under different demand situations, different behavioural expectations.

The class teacher:

This is the person who will be responsible for your child's school experience this year. Make sure you have good communication, make sure all reports are available and invite to observe what the child can do in the home program. Make sure that there is also direct communication available with the CM. Suggest that the CM may have some information on the child's needs such as visual supports and schedules, may have some equipment or teaching strategies which have worked, and how they may be best introduced.

The aide or shadow:

If you are lucky to have aide time for your child, you will want to make best use of it. Discuss with your CM how best to involve and to communicate. It is important that all are on the 'same page', and the aide, who will have the most direct contact with your child, is most important. The success of your child's integration experience will be on his/her shoulders. It is particularly important to define prompt levels and expectations, and if only possible try to get an aide of your choosing and trained by ISADD. Our most successful integration has taken place when the aide is also one of the child's therapists and can integrate home and school programs.

Preparing peers:

There is argument for and against here, but the best advice is don't tell more than they need to know to get by. If your child has specific needs which will single him/her out, such as COMPIC communication, then you do tell them about it. Explain how best to interact, but there is no need for giving a diagnosis or label. Answer questions truthfully but in a general way. Always also point out skills to counter deficits. Young children are tolerant of difference if tolerance is modeled by the adults.

Preparing the Parent (Yourself)

This may be the hardest as it is emotional. Some positive self talk will be needed for you to feel comfortable sending your child out into the big, wide world and into the arms of other people who will also be responsible for your child's success or otherwise. The 'empty nest' emotions always need to be challenged. Parents do need to take some risks here and let go a bit, if the aim of parenting is to produce an independent individual who can cope in the community. Autism makes our children more vulnerable, but remember that all of us are vulnerable in one way or another, and have taken calculated risks, as this is an integral part of independent living. However, that does not release you from the parent role, it just changes it. Parents need to stay vigilant and wait in the wings, ready to step in when a bail-out may be needed; ready to support, provide the little extras which will be needed, and always be there as an advocate for the child.

Parents also need to be prepared for some disappointments. Often behaviours deteriorate at home as the child tries very hard to behave well at school, and carry a lot of extra stress. Also the longer hours and sheer exhaustion can catch up with them by Friday. Remember that at school there is no invidualised one-on-one teaching. Your child is faced with group instructions and the teacher's attention is diluted. You cannot expect the same rate of progress as was possible with a full ABA program at home. Deterioration and forgetting of skills which still need maintenance practice can be expected. The preparation needed for this is to teach to over-learning levels and to teach enough so that a small amount lost will not have dire consequences.

Jura Tender.

Jura Tender1 December 2016